"He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built."
Luke 6:48
I think that it is amazing how God's presence can be seen everywhere in this world. I'm not going to lie, for a while I've kind of felt like God has abandoned me, but then I log into Pinterest and see a picture that talks about Bible verses about stress and immediately I'm reminded of how much He loves me and how He works in mysterious ways. Lately, I've have been stressed to the max and have felt like I am pulling myself really thin. I have felt inadequate and under appreciated by some, and quite honestly have felt myself going farther from God and His ways. This is a hard thing to admit because I have always been the one who has stayed so deeply rooted in my faith, people always ask me how I do it with all of the trials and tests that I have been through. As a 17 year old, with competition, prom, and college coming up, its no wonder I am stretched so thin and I feel like there are not enough hours in the day. My body is constantly screaming at me to just take a break, but I would rather be doing something productive with my life than sitting on my bum watching TV and eating Oreos.
To give you an idea of how my days typically run, here is what a day in the life of me looks like.
7-7:30 AM: I wake up and get ready for school. If it is a Tuesday or Thursday I try to wake up even earlier than this because I attend faith-related breakfasts and on Wednesdays I wake up at 6:30 because I spend the night with my dad those nights.
8:15 AM: I head into school to try to kick senioritis in the butt, but it isn't working too well.
8:25-3:20: I am in school. As much as this seems like it should be easy it isn't. I am involved in Student Government, NHS, and HOSA (secretary). I am a part of the Lighthouse Team and am the leader over my section of the Lighthouse Team which creates lesson plans for the entire school to learn the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. I am in all Honors/AP classes as well.
3:25-5:30: During this time one to two days a week, I have Sports Medicine. I love this part of my day because I can interact with the athletes in my school and learn things that will help me in my future career. This part of my day can still be stressful! Everyday is a new day, with new problems and injuries. (I love that part of the job!)
5-30-6:45: This is my family dinner/decompression time. I try to relax but will remember something that happened within the day and remember that it has to be done in a timely fashion.
6:45-11:30: This time consists of trying to read, get ready for the next day, and get ready for bed all while hearing from various friends that need my help with something. I might get to sleep around 11:30 or 12.
This might not seem all that hectic, and I know I'm just a teenager but throughout all of that I am trying to prepare for college, pass all of my classes, provide a school with lesson plans that I deem worthy for them to see and trying to meet deadlines within those different lesson plans. I have to help coordinate different events and things that HOSA needs and also try to plan out what I am doing about prom. I love not having to sit at home on my butt and be a bum but, needless to say, I am stressed!
From being involved in so many different things, I feel myself trying to find acceptance and approval from others. You know, no matter how many times I try to remind myself that I can please everyone and that Jesus was the only person to ever walk this earth and be perfect, I still find myself feeling inadequate. I strive to be perfect in anything I do, and when people start to doubt my abilities is when one of two things happens: 1) I want to prove you wrong any way I know how, 2) I start to doubt who I am and what I am capable of doing. When #2 happens is when I feel like I'm not enough for people, and that's ultimately what gets me. I hate not being enough because I strive so hard to be.
I also feel like instead of focusing on the the good things that I do, some people will always feel the need to point out something wrong that I've done that may be completely irrelevant from the subject. I'm learning that people will always try to point out a flaw in order to feel better about themselves and to try to make themselves seem better than you. People will always dislike you and want to find something to hurt you, but that is just their insecurities shining through. I believe the saying is: haters gonna hate.
So? What does the Bible say? James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that they testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Proverbs 16:3 says, "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all you who are troubled and weighted down with care, and I will give you rest." And last but not least, Philippians 4:6 says, "Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up our prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel."
These four verses have one thing in common: give everything over to God because He has plans for all our that we have no clue about. I honestly believe that God's plan is 10 times better for myself than my plan for me, but the struggle is to hand everything over to Him and trust in Him. I love to know what I am doing and when I am doing it. The uncertainty of God and His plan scares me.
So I end this long blog post with a couple questions for you. Are you willing to hand over your strive for perfection to God? Are you able to give up every fiber in your OCD body to God and trust in his plan for your life?
