Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

As I walk through campus today everything and everyone seems to be dealing with yesterday's tragedy.  People are talking about the calls and the text messages that were recieved. They are talking about the random numbers that called their parents to make sure that they were ok. People were talking about the shock of receiving a text message that declared there was a shooting on campus. It was said a lot yesterday that someone never expects something like this to happen to them or to happen on their campus. It wasn't something that I imagined. I've dealt with many bomb threats and with many shootings but nothing scared me quite like this did. It wasn't that I was afraid for my life, it was being afraid for the lives of my fellow Gamecocks. I was very fortunate that I was on the other side of campus but it was still equally as scary. We received multiple reports/rumors of various things that were going on. 

People's lives will forever be affected by what went on Thursday. We will forever remember where we were or the multiple text messages we received. We will remember hugging our friends when we finally returned home and hugging our friends who were in the building when it happened. We will remember calling our parents to tell them we were alive and well. We will remember the comfort of hearing a familiar voice telling us that we were loved. We will remember the legacy that one of our professors left behind and we will remember how we came together. The student body became a family last night and so did the state. Clemson students were willing to wear their rival's colors to support the Gamecocks. 

God doesn't allow something horrible to happen withhold something good to come from it. God is our shield who will protect us and He protected us yesterday. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil." God was with us yesterday and continues to be with us as we deal with the aftermath. God is an all powerful God that will restore us and strengthen us and help us become whole again. I truly and firmly believe that. 

I have never been more proud to call myself a Gamecock and a South Carolinian. It is such a great honor to be able to call this place my home. With that being said, please continue prayers for everyone on campus and the families of those who are deceased. This will be a long healing process but we will overcome and be stronger because of it. 

Here's a health, Carolina. FOREVER TO THEE! 

Undeserving

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.- John 3:16

So, I have had the worst two weeks. I wrote last week about how I got into an accident and also fell in the mud while exploring nature. This week I hit my best friend in the face with a racquetball and forgot my favorite water bottle in my English class which made me late for my Care and Prevention of Injuries class. I've cried a lot these past weeks and my stress levels have far exceeded any possible limit I thought they could. I'm sure that I will be prematurely gray and will have wrinkles in my twenties. There were so many times where I just wanted to crawl up into a ball and not leave my dorm room.

I've sat here the last two weeks and felt sorry about myself, wondering why something like this would happen to me. I didn't deserve getting into a wreck. I didn't deserve falling in the mud. Erin didn't deserve me hitting her in the face with a high speed racquetball. I might not have deserved all of that but I didn't deserve the love I got either. I didn't deserve the texts from ladies from church telling me that they were thinking about me. I didn't deserve my parents love, encouragement, and wisdom when I thought the world around me was burning. I didn't deserve the message from my uncle telling me that my little cousin was bragging about me to one of her friends tonight.

How does someone like me deserve the love and support of all of these people when I sat here and only felt sorry for myself? How do I deserve the love of God when I struggled to believe that He loved me the past two weeks? There is a saying that goes, "I can't brag about my love for God because I fail Him daily, but I can brag about His love for me because it never fails." How do I forget about His amazing grace and mercy in everyone's lives? God is an amazing God who continues to baffle me because of His unfailing love for everyone and for me. I think that we all forget sometimes how much God loves us. I mean, He sent His only Son for our sins. 

If you are ever down and out (kind of like I was and a tiny bit still am) remember God's love for you. Remember the lives you've touched and all of the people who love you and look up to you. I couldn't have made it through these two weeks without the love and support of everyone. 

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I thank you for the continued support and prayers. I was able to drive my car home today and am at home relaxing.